You and God
Most who follow my blog or know me in person knows that my spiritual path has been, well, a difficult and stubborn one . I have gone through all the questions from Is there a God? to God hates me. I still don’t know what to believe. I have no idea what my relationship is with God. I have gone from hating Him to worshiping Him. I came across this article and thought I would share it with you.
You and I have special moments with God, even sometimes when everyone has left and we are ready to let go – tears, sweat, and all, God stays to accept the weakest we are in front of Him.
Upon the death of my best friend, whom I loved so dearly, I honestly never really thought about God much. This event shook me to my core. I all of sudden hated, and I mean truly hated God. Why would he take her. She was only 27. She had he whole life ahead of her. What had I done to make him punish me like this? We had plans for life an all of a sudden I was alone. I still don’t think I have gotten over this and it’s been almost 10 years. I think my hatred has lessened but I still resent Him.
3 years ago my Father found out he had lung cancer, stage 4. So it was only a matter of time before he passed. This was in August. That October he passed. Between August and October we all had a chance to come to terms with what was happening. I had to open back up this hurt that God was placing me yet again. This time my father, 72, had lived a few full and happy life. I had to let myself have some hope that he was going to a better place with no pain and one of eternal happiness. I still believe he is in that place with my best friend.
Present day I will find it a struggle to have a relationship with God. Why? Not sure. At times I still wonder if he is real. At times I wonder why he is leading down the path I am taking and there are times I wonder if the guy is deaf. Does he even hear me? I have not stepped into a church for an actually Sunday service in almost 20 years. I do believe I am starting to make small changes. I do now listen to Christian radio. I try to have small 5 min chats with God in the car. I also did a post about online church services, which I am checking into.
So in a nutshell what is my relationship with God? Love/Hate maybe, its hard to put in words. I do hope that one day I will have a definitive answer to that question. In the meantime how about you, what is your relationship with God? You don’t have to answer here but more of a self asking question.
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I have had many of those questions myself over the past few years. I pray and pray and have always believed…but have been tested a lot in the last couple years. Two years ago I sat through Easter mass just crying the whole time…my daughter was going through so many health problems that when the priest mentioned let us rejoice and be glad I burst out in tears. It is still hard at times…and there are times I question so much and ask the “whys”…but at the same time I want to believe that there are good reasons for those “whys” and that my child will be healed one day in this life or by Gods side.
Thanks for sharing the article and your thoughts.
.-= colleen´s last blog ..Still have 4 more days to vote for me for #mamavation mom =-.
Karla
The great thing in this post is that you are searching!!! Most of the answers can be found by searching inside yourself. Toe books that might help “The Shift” By Wayne Dryer and “The Shack” by Wm Paul Young. Two different looks at God. I have always known that God is, but not always like you hear in church. Until I read “the Shift” I thought I was out in left field somewhere.
Have a Great Day
Chester