Pregnancy after Miscarriage
Trying to conceive a baby is one of the most exciting decisions anyone can make.
When my partner and I started finally trying for a baby, I was ecstatically happy. I had been “suffering” from baby fever for quite some time already. My partner was older than me, and had two kids from a previous marriage already.
He was not quite sure he wanted any more kids, so when he gave the green light, there was sure a lot to celebrate for me.
When we agreed to try and get pregnant, we did everything by the book.
I started taking folic acid and a complete prenatal vitamin before we ditched the condoms. I bought a whole lot of ovulation tests, and faithfully peed on them every morning around the time when the ovulation calendar I used indicated that I might be fertile. To make trying to conceive more fun, we booked into a different (nice!) hotel during every cycle, when the little smiley face on the ovulation test told us it was time to get busy.
We finally got a positive pregnancy test after six months.
I would be lying if I said that I was not already very impatient, and wondering if there was anything wrong with my body. My partner was over the moon, and couldn’t believe we were going to have a baby. We were so happy that we called everyone right away, and mentioned the word “Pregnant!” to everyone who would listen. We’d started discussing baby names already when, one morning, I noticed a light spotting.
The moment I saw the blood, I knew I was having a miscarriage.
We were abroad visiting relatives at the time, so I had trouble finding a doctor who would see me. Eventually, a friend’s family doctor agreed to examine me. She asked me questions about my bleeding, which had increased in volume in the meantime, and referred me to a hospital for an ultrasound. I should have been ten weeks pregnant. Seeing my tiny little baby on the screen was magical, but my hopes were crushes seconds later as the technician confirmed what I had already known, in my heart of hearts. The baby had already passed.
After that miscarriage, trying for another baby was not that much fun any more, and brought a lot of sadness with it.
The road to conceiving again was rather long after that, and we were met with many obstacle. I blamed myself and wondered if there was anything I could have done to prevent the miscarriage. When I was finally pregnant again, I was sure that it would not last. But it did, and I gave birth to a wonderful baby girl!
Pregnancy after miscarriage can be terribly stressful, and it is easy to believe that you will have another miscarriage.
It is OK to tell your doctor or midwife that you are feeling anxious and scared. It is OK to ask for an early ultrasound and more frequent prenatal appointments, just for your own piece of mind. It is OK if you are unable to get excited about your pregnancy until much later on, and it is OK to feel sad about the baby you lost, even if people around you don’t seem to understand it. When it comes to grieving, you don’t have to abide by anyone’s rules but your own, and the only thing that counts is your own heart.
This is a guest post by Olivia. I am a former journalist and sub-editor, but now I am ecstatically happy to be a stay at home mom. In 2006, I finally gave birth to my daughter, after getting pregnant through Intrauterine Insemination (IUI). In 2008, my son also joined our family. Conceiving wasn’t easy for me, but I can say that I am already pining for a third baby, though for many reasons our family might not grow any more.
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