Broken Promises
As I sat on my bed this morning all of a sudden I felt different. Today was like any other morning. I got up, got
clothes laid our for me and my son, hubby got up to get Cooper dressed while I got dressed. As I buttoned my pants and sat at the edge of the bed I felt like I should be reflecting back on something but what? Then it hit me!
One year ago yesterday I might not have been here. May 12, 2009 shook me. Blood clots in the lungs they tell me. What I am only 36 are you kidding. Then I remember my BFF died at 26 from the same thing. As I sat in the hospital in ICU for the next 4 days being poked and prodded, I made a promise to myself and God that if I made it out of all of this I would not waste my life away on the would, could, and should of’s in the world.
So as I sat there it was THAT I was to be reflecting on and the promise I made. Did I follow through? Sadly, no. I have gained weight, not lost, I still get frustrated over the small stuff, and I am still unorganized at home. All of a sudden I got sad and tears filled my eyes. What have I done? I have been given this miracle of life and I am wasting it. I am soooo unhappy with lots of thing that are going on. Some I can change, some I can’t or can’t easily. I am wasting this miracle God gave me.
How many time have you made a promise to change or to do something and ,like me, have failed to follow through. I have been saying for YEARS that I need to lose this weight yet year after year I try and fail and give up. I am now at my highest weight ever. So now I am doing the would, could, and should of’s that I said I wasn’t going to do.
In the past year I COULD have eaten better, I SHOULD have exercised more and I WOULD have lost weight and not gained. Why do we break these promises that we make to ourselves and to God. Is it easier to break them when it’s ourselves at stake or someone we can’t really see?
Now as I sit here and write this I roll my eyes and say to myself I failed again, typical. Do I make another promise to change that in a year from now I will break? What will it take to break the cycle and lose this weight once and for all. Everyone makes it seem so easy, or I choose to make it hard. In the past 3 months I have gained 23 lbs. OMG that is just unreal. At this pace I could gain like 80lbs this year. For the love if that happens I am doomed.
What it boils down to is that I need to do this for myself, not for anyone else. I need to prove to myself that I can do because I dobut that everyday. I haven’t done it yet so what makes me think I can? I have been given a second chance at life and I have broken promises along the way. I am tired of this cycle and it needs to stop. I apperciate all the support I get from my online family and sistah’s at Mamavation. I do hope in a year from now I can boast about my successful year and the promise I have kept!
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Oh girl. I have been on the same weight roller coaster for many years! I don’t know if you’ve seen my weight loss photos on my blog, but each day is still full of choices (which I’ve been choosing POORLY since Valentine’s Day).
I pray God will lead you to the right eating plan. I need to get back on track myself!
Praise God for making it through those blood clots. That must have been scary!
.-= Beth´s last blog ..Get as MUCH as you want! =-.
Thanks guys I really appreciate your comments and the support you give me
Thanks Alaina. It’s hard not to think of them but I know it’s doing no good and I need to move on and just do the work!
Shoulda, woulda, coulda, are words of the past. Do not let your past beat you up! Square your shoulders and move forward into the future. 🙂
I’m rooting for you!!
.-= Scarlett Black´s last blog ..Preparing for Hazardous Weather =-.
Every day is a new day and another chance to make positive changes. In every area of life. Trust me, I do the same thing with the shoulda, coulda, woulda. Time to start fresh, move forward, reset yourself in motion. Do it, Karla. Just do it. Don’t live with regrets. Live with purpose. Live to honor the wonderful friend that you had and lost, or to honor anyone else in your life that inspires you. One foot in front of the other. There is no try, only do, as Yoda would say.
.-= Heather @ Not a DIY Life´s last blog ..Keeping a Schedule =-.
Oh my – I feel you girl. I am spending days and nights thinking of all the past promises I made myself. Like a big one… one year ago I knew that my sister would be getting married June 2010. Now it’s May 2010 and I’m still as round and curvy as I was back then. I promised myself I would loose weight. I would be able stand next to the girls and not feel fat and out of place.
But nope I’ll be feeling that. We both need to just forget all our past promises and not promise ourself anything but just DO IT!
Thanks so much Lance.. I appreicate those words. There is so much to learn and the road is long.
Karla,
As I read this, it reminds me how easy it can be sometimes to focus on all that didn’t go exactly as planned. Yet, I am sure there is also much that is deeply good and wonderful in your life today (like your son). While it’s good to notice those areas where we can improve – notice also the wonderful goodness in your life. It’s there. I know it is.
And as you go forth…always remember that you are an amazing person (you ARE!)…
.-= Lance´s last blog ..Sunday Thought For The Day =-.