Conversations…
So last week a friend challenged me. This time it was a spiritual challenge. What you say? Yeah I am trying, which is very hard for me, to become more spiritual. Now those who know me know I don’t do church so does that make me less of a believer than those that do? I feel if I believe in God I can worship/talk/pray wherever I want and it’s the same. I have also found a couple of websites. One is www.air1.com which is an radio station that plays positive music. I can take all the positive I can get. Through that site there is another called www.groundwire.net which talks about God and believing. They also have people you can chat with live.. Yeah not to that point yet and really haven’t searched that site a lot but it’s on my list.
So let me give you background on me and why this is hard. Growing up church was a must. There was no missing. No complaining. It had to be done. Dressing up was a requirement. I remember my mom shoving me in tights when I was younger. I hated every minute of it. I was brought up Lutheran and the church was very laid back, IMO. By the time I got to confirmation classes I felt it was a waste of time. I had gone though many years of Sunday school learning the same stuff. Shouldn’t I just be confirmed already? Needless to say when my parents dropped me off, I would just walk home. The pastor tried talking to me and the importance but it fell on deaf ears. So really I am not confirmed as anything.
Now I know I am not the only one that when something goes wrong the first thing you do it say “God why are you doing this to me?” We all have done that. Now why I do that ALL the time about EVERY little thing I have no idea. I don’t know how it started. It’s and easy things to do right? I mean God doesn’t talk back so you can yell and scream and blame all you want. I know it’s not his fault for the choices I make but I do feel he is giving me things I simply don’t want. I have also had lots of death around me over the years. The first at like age 10. To date I have had 8 family members pass. One being my BFF at the age of 26 and then my Dad. I have a lot of anger over my BFF. That will have to be another blog.
Example you say? This horrid job I have. Why am I here? I have hated this job for over a year. Can’t find anything out there. So, during my challenge (which I will tell you in a bit what it is) I say “Show me why I am here for guide me to something else” So here I sit and wait. Really? How long do these requests take? I am not a patient person people.. LOL
Okay so the challenge that was given to me was to have a conversation with God for 5 min a day for 10 days straight. There are no limitations on what I can say or talk about. If I am mad, say it. So I am like okay I can do this. I mean what can it hurt right?? I lasted 3 days. I just forgot to do it. So here I go.. starting over. I am going to finish this challenge. What will happen when it’s done? My honest opinion? I believe nothing but I am all for being proved wrong.
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ok, so you believe nothing will happen. That is all good. But I wonder, what is it that you are afraid to HOPE will happen?
I am not sure that I am afraid. It’s more of believing in something only to get let down. Sure I may not get let down but do I have to hope someting will happen for it to happen? Can’t I just wait and see? I mean if something does happen then it will exceed my expectations.
Hi, just wanted to tell you, I enjoyed this blog post. It was funny. Keep on posting!