When I tell dating couples my husband and I have been married for over 20 years now, they always ask, “How in the world have you lasted that long?” My answer is always short and sweet. “God only knows,” I say. Of course, I’m being funny, but in truth, staying committed to one another isn’t always easy and sometimes… for some matters… my husband and I really do leave things up to the universe since that’s all that can be done. Just ask a couple who’s been married 30, 50, 60 years or more. “Give it to God,” they’ll say. And that’s sage advice.
But what if your relationship is on the brink of deteriorating? Is “giving it to God” enough? Though I’m not really qualified to answer that question, I can tell you there are some things you can do right now.
The first is to readjust your behavior toward each other. That’s often the hardest part of saving a troubled marriage because chances are, the two of you may have inadvertently settled into an abusive pattern of communication over the years. Some couples can be so used to arguing, normal conversation just doesn’t occur to them. If this is your situation, you’ve got to make a real, sincere, and constant effort to talk to each other instead of at each other.
The second thing is to try and see things from your mate’s point of view, because you know what? You’re not always right. Your mate might (shocker) actually be correct about something, and attempting to understand his or her perspective can give you an idea of where s/he’s coming from at the least. And that’s something that you have to respect whether you agree with it or not.
The third thing is to consider the impact a divorce will have on others. Ask yourself whether a divorce is worth the trouble. Listen – it’s **normal** to think about a divorce during a marriage. No marriage is perfect and there will be times when you simply want to get away from it. The **value** in marriage is working things out and learning from your problems, especially when children are involved. How will a divorce impact the children? Aside from financial problems and parental separation issues, how will your children learn how to work through their personal problems when they see their own parents quit their marriage?
Making these types of efforts may not solve a problematic marriage immediately, but because these behavioral changes can improve communication, the number one problem in marriages today, they can play a tremendous role in saving a marriage over the long run.
Some people remain married for the sake of the children, and while I don’t encourage that decision for abusive relationships, I do recommend it for couples who simply need a little help in learning how to re-discover the love they have for one another.
Nicole Miller writes for Currys discount vouchers where you can find PC World discount codes.
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